we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
