You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
