He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
