ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.