I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober