U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?