the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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