Capitaan dildo arrescate!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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