I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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