i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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