There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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