we're blogging at a bar
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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