hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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