I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
