If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
