she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
