mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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