I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
