Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
