If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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