You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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