if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
