i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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