bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Pants are for mortals
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
