I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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