She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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