but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i have two assholes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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