i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
