you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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