if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize