You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
