She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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