So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
