There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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