He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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