Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
