is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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