I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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