dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
