i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
