But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
