just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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