Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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