I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
