We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
