Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
