I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
