Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
