I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
