apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
