he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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