Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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