We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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