Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
