u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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