plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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