i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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