Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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