I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
