We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
why didn't you poke me back
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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