idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Are we still banned from the library?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
