Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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