They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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