Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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