is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
