Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
