He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
